Resolving Interpersonal conflicts

"Conflict is the engine that drives interpersonal and organizational growth" - Mark Umbreit 


No two person are made entirely of the same genomes, not even twins. Everyday, we get to meet many people and because of how vast and complex our human mind works, we are bound to run into some personal issues along the way. Even within the people we meet each day, especially our families and loved ones, there can also never be everything that everyone can agree upon.

There have been many conflicts that I had been into but this particular conflict has impacted the most in my life and had taught me lessons that would continue to help me till now.

Being heavily involved in school activities as well as my social life, I was considered a very busy student in my junior college days. I was a flautist of Nanyang Junior College Symphonic band and we had band practices up to three times a week. Moreover, I was an alumni of Montfort Secondary School Military Band and I went back to my Alma Mater every Saturday to teach my juniors. Not forgetting that I was also giving tuition lessons to my juniors who needed help in their studies. So that comes down to being only free on Sundays. However, Sunday is family day. This means that my schedule was totally full every single day.

As all junior college students know, Project Work was the most tedious and time consuming subject for year 1 students. What made it worse was that everybody had different schedules and it was very difficult to find a day for the whole group to sit down and discuss our proposals.

What frustrated me the most was that I could not bring myself to drop any of my schedules. Firstly both bands were having an upcoming concert and skipping practices would mean that I would miss out on whatever the bands were rehearsing. If i were to stop tuition lessons, my juniors' studies would most likely be affected to. I finally made an unfortunate decision, to miss out on my group work.

Being inexperienced in handling such issues, I gave excuses time and again to my group mates about my busy schedule and expected them to handle my share of work. My group mates tried talking to me about prioritizing the project before my other commitments. However, I stood to my own reason and shrugged off their comments.

The last straw came when band practice stretched till late at night nearer the performances. I did not even have the time to complete the drafts and proposals on time. That was when my group mates could not take it anymore. They confided in my teacher-in-charge about this problem and had her talk to me about this.

At first, I was really fuming because I felt that this was not a situation of poor time management but I couldnt help it as my timetable was really packed. However, after being threatened to meet the principal, I reluctantly agreed to put in more effort in the project.

After letting me cool down, she then talked to me and told me that it was my responsibility to fulfill my primary role which is a student in the school and everything else comes second. She also mentioned about my group mates having to carry an extra burden because I was not present most of the time. She brought light to my eyes as she explained how busy everyone was but still managed to squeeze out some time for the group.

In the end, I had to speak with my band teachers to leave the band temporarily. Luckily for me, my group mates were very understanding and they had put this issue aside. We managed to achieve an A grade in the end.

What I learned from this issue is that conflict happens to us all the time. Regardless whether it involves just two person or a whole group, it can be easily resolved if everyone takes a step back. A conflict is like two sheep on both sides of the bridge wanting to cross it at the same time. If nobody takes the initiative to let go,  both sheep would get stuck in the middle of the bridge.

Lastly I would like to ask all of you a question I had been asking myself many times. If you were to be in my scenario 5 years ago, what would you have done?